The Frugalista

All the honeys who makin’ money, throw ya' hands up at me. All the mamas who profit dollas, throw ya' hands up at me.

2010-02-18T20:28:00.000-08:00

YAY! Just finished teaching the unit on monopolies, oligopolies, cartels, etc., which culminates with a few days of throwing dice and playing Monopoly. I love it, as it entails the kids getting into groups, doling out the cash and asking me five thousand times when they can start erecting houses on their property. Um, when you own all of the colors, i.e. you HAVE A MONOPOLY. I get to catch up on grading and it gives me time to wander the room and get to know my students a little more in a non-naggish way. Originally I was just going to allot two days to the gaming experience, but they were so focused on the task at hand today that I think we'll take it through Monday, because having to do anything that includes a PowerPoint on Monday sucks.

Random facts about the board game:
1) The race car was voted the favorite token in 1998. I always liked the thimble and iron. You know, because I'm sooooo domestic.
2) Tokens in the "Here and Now" version include McDonald's fries, Starbucks coffee and the Toyota Prius. I guess this says that, while we may be filling ourselves with caffeine and greasy food, at least we're taking care of Mother Earth. Go us.
3) Neiman Marcus created a $600 chocolate game in 1978.
4) After Fidel Castro assumed power in Cuba, he ordered all Monopoly games destroyed. Capitalism sucks!
5) Escape maps, compasses and files were inserted into game boards smuggled into POW camps inside Germany during WWII. Real money for escapees was slipped into the packs of Monopoly money.
6) The three most-landed-on properties are Illinois Avenue, "GO" and the B&O RR. Next time you play, buy those properties quickly and thank me later.
7) Dad always wins. Always.

Titan Swim and Dive 2010

2010-01-25T21:02:00.000-08:00

I have officially been crowned head swim coach at Frontier High School (how...HOW?!) and am eternally grateful for the amazing guidance I received from my dad while at Liberty, and all the help he continues to give. In an effort to keep the kids and parents informed and create a real "culture of unity" (Jack Donaghy would be so proud-if only I could fit the word "synergy" in there), I have created a website/blog for the team. Take a look and see when our meets are, read my incredible words of inspiration each week, find out where to send fatty checks to help us buy pool buoys and canopies, etc. titanswim.blogspot.com (It is not linking; copy and paste it yourself, lazy. What am I, your maid?)

Fa-la-la-la-freakin-da!

2009-12-20T19:27:00.000-08:00

It is finally here! Christmas break has officially arrived. Happy holidays to all.

Live simply, so that others may simply live.

2009-12-14T21:18:00.000-08:00

I know I blow money on totally unnecessary crap (but I LOVE my LAMB purse, so back off) and the following is my attempt to redeem myself and my American decadence.

I like to wrap up the semester of supply and demand/scarcity/monetary policy blah blah blah chitchat with something that my students can actually connect with-I have found it with kiva.org. It is a website featuring microentrepreneurs: people in the developing world trying to be self-sufficient but lacking the access to banks and loans that are more available in the good ol' USA.

I first found out about microcredit from a documentary entitled "Small Fortunes" (through BYU's Center for Self-Reliance) that tells the stories of people who have received such loans. After viewing some clips and discussing the issue (some classes included more blank stares than actual discussion...1st period) I showed my kids the website and challenged them to donate. We are shooting for $200 ($1 each-you are impressed with my math skills) and I will match their donations up to $200. This is a great way to give the gift to "the person who has everything" (or just won't tell you what they want) and gives you a warm fuzzy feeling inside...and isn't charity really about making yourself feel better? I jest...

I know money is tight for everyone and it seems like there is someone sticking their hand out asking for donations every which way we turn (back off, Salvation Army), but it is amazing to see how just $10 can change someone's life in the developing world.

Fun fact: Dr. Muhammad Yunus was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 2006 (step up your game, Obama) for his work with the Grameen Bank and the microcredit movement.

In it to win it.

2009-10-17T16:25:00.000-07:00

I am heading up the blood drive committee at Frontier High School this year and we just had our first event. 150 students signed up to donate (yay!) but we had to turn away about 35, as Houchin Blood Bank just did not have the staff to process that many kids before school was out. Boo.

Anyeatironrichfoodsanddonate, it is a district-wide competition among all the high schools, and I would LOVE LOVE LOVE if we had the most donations, because cheap plastic trophies are cool and saving lives is even better. This post is my request to everyone who donates over the next year to please credit your donation to Frontier High School. Additionally, Houchin will bring the bloodmobile (that sounds disgusting, I know) to your office/business; employees can donate during the workday, and this can also be credited towards our school. And come on! In between helping annoying customers and clients and dealing with ridiculous co-workers, who wouldn't want to be poked and prodded?

For anyone who has ever engaged in a game of Trivial Pursuit/Scene It/Cranium, etc. with me, you know I do not mess around when it comes to such contests. I bring the pain, and this competition is no different. Bonus: great and easy way to help out those in need. And please do not look at the post's image and think I support such crap shows. I am not into the whole vampire/Twilight thing, but I thought it was appropro for my message and the Halloween season. Team Harry Potter. All. The. Way.

100th post: Strength.

2009-10-03T12:56:00.000-07:00

There are as many reasons for running as there are days in the year, years in my life. But mostly I run because I am an animal and a child, an artist and a saint. So, too, are you. Find your own play, your own self-renewing compulsion, and you will become the person you are meant to be. -George Sheehan

This school year has been a difficult one, for various reasons, and I have found solace in an activity I used to dread every day during the fall season in high school at the ringing of the final bell: running. I joined cross country because Nicole did it, liked it, and dragged me along. I still remember the numbing pain I felt after my very first practice, which rendered me unable to climb a flight of stairs without wincing at every step. Out of shape? To say the least. My dad recently started getting back into top form for his Mt. Whitney climb this summer, and suggested that he, Nicole and I do the 5 mile "fun runs" at Yokuts each month. Thus, I altered my workouts, foregoing the cardio I used to get on the exercise bike and elliptical for lacing up the New Balances and hitting the pavement outside.

I have been blessed with a crap metabolism and know that I am doomed to a lifetime of workouts and calorie-counting. With this in mind, I have busted my butt too many hours to count with various workout tapes (old school Jane Fonda, anyone?), moves from websites, and at various gyms around town. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, though, can compare to the feeling I get when running outside. The beauty of running is that it can be done anytime, anywhere. No one needs a membership or special coordination to do it. Just go. There are times when I blast the music (Christina Aguilera's "Fighter" is my favorite-what music motivates you?) and moments, usually at night, when the quiet surrounds me and allows my mind to clear of all the confusion.

I used to laugh when people would cite "running" as a hobby, thinking this was just a way for them to let others know in a not-so-roundabout way they were sporty spices and always workin' on their fitness. And while I maintain my belief that this is the motive of most of them, I now get it. My hobby, my peace, my nirvana, my drug? Run, Candice, run.

Who is running things?

2009-09-29T20:46:00.001-07:00

As we all know by now, schools are kind of in a financial pinch...as is everything else. They keep track of what we print; limit our paper supply (I had to ask permission for ten pieces of card stock to print tickets for a senior class event); and I currently have 198 students, compared to the 150 from last year. These examples signify just a few of the cutbacks and changes that have occurred. I get it, we are all having to tighten our belts, and yes, there is a LOT of waste that occurs that needs to be reigned in-I am grateful for a job at this point. So where the heck did the district come up with the funding to drop off a big ol' gallon of hand sanitizer for EVERY classroom in the district?! (And how much did the huge "Property of Kern High School District" sticker cost? Yeah, because I'm going to steal it.) Swine flu, schwine flu...

Have bleach for your eyes within reach.

2009-09-22T18:45:00.000-07:00

Ahhh, the joys of the internet and small cameras that can be used to discreetly take pictures of the finest America has to offer. The next time you get your paycheck and glance at the federal and state taxes, remember all your fellow citizens who are being supported by your efforts. Check out www.peopleofwalmart.com for more chances to judge others and feel pretentious that Target is more your style. (All the while remembering we all hit up Walmart every now and then, so don't be too la-di-freakin'-da.)

I found you, Miss New Booty...People, dress for your body. Has she no mirrors? Or shame?

Okay, I kind of want those pants. And by kind of, I mean really.

Um, yeah...what mall kiosk custom-printed this gem? Because I doubt she is paying homage to the Buddhists or Hindus. And why have the guys next to her not punched her in the head yet? Perhaps they did not pay attention in history class...

The "NA NA NA" song for the birthday nerd.

2009-09-20T14:56:00.000-07:00

Click her for your "So What" video-We're all gonna get in a fight!
Big C loves Little T.

Bootylicious.

2009-09-17T19:49:00.000-07:00

One of the great things about the school year starting (besides getting up before the sun rises and trying to hold the attention of 195 teenagers while talking about opportunity cost) is that I get back on a schedule with my workout. Yes, you would think that summer vacation would be the time to buckle down and focus, but sleeping in usually took precedence over exercise.

While looking online for some new moves to try at the gym, I found a website called fitsugar.com. True, the name doesn't quite exude strength and power, but it is chockablock full of ways to change up your routine and take your workout to the next level. (Okay, that last sentence even annoyed me-excuse my wannabe trainer jargon.) One article in particular was especially good, offering "8 Dynamic Booty Exercises." Check. It. Out.

I've been around long enough to know you've gotta work with what you've got.

I did it.

2009-09-14T19:29:00.000-07:00

I have been wanting a LAMB handbag since the day Ms. Stefani debuted her glorious line and have hated seeing Skankface McGees like Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton with these purses casually slung over their arms...they are not worthy. While wasting time online this weekend, trying to get some feeling back in my hip joints following the 5 mile run with Dad and Nicole, I found this beauty...HALF OFF. My time had come. Years of foregoing cable, furnishing my home with thrift store and yard sale items, keeping my PG&E under $30 a month, and dyeing my hair with $7 boxes of Loreal Preference, are finally coming to fruition. It is all about allocation of resources. Some people like a fully stocked fridge; I like a fully stocked closet.

Capitalism, schmapitalism.

2009-09-08T23:18:00.000-07:00

My new t-shirt, found on ebay and ordered for tomorrow's lesson on command economies. Yay! I embrace my nerdery fully. (Yes, I just made up a word-jealous?) Have some fun times and see if you can name each of the leaders featured, party people. Now enjoy some quotes concerning the free market...

"The cold fact is that most income is not distributed: it is earned."

"Capitalism is what people do if you leave them alone."

"Capitalism needs to function like a game of tug-of-war. Two opposing sides need to continually struggle for dominance, but at no time can either side be permitted to walk away with the rope."

Following our discussion concerning the good, the bad, and the ugly of our free market system, one student had me pegged as a Democrat. (Insert laughter here. I love messing with their minds.) Apparently my negative response to her question about whether I am a fan of Fox News led her to label me as a liberal. Nerds...And such things are what frustrate me about the current state of America-you're either one or the other. This whole brooha about Obama's address to schoolchildren is ridiculous. Teachers show stuff in class all the time that is probably biased or not reviewed by administration-why the need for them to do it now? Besides, I am sure not even a quarter of the students would even internalize the information being presented. Obama is the president and if he wants to have some face time with kids, have at it. Heaven forbid he encourage them to stay in school and take responsibility for their lives (although the legislation and policies he supports are doing just the opposite). What's next? Is he going to tell them to eat vegetables?! (Organic, of course.) Everyone just needs to chill.

Click on the following link for a hilarious article, courtesy of the cracked.com:
Republicans vs. Democrats. Fight, fight, fight...

Mondays are the best!

2009-08-31T16:02:00.000-07:00

At around four o'clock Sunday afternoon, the day starts sucking. Why? Because the realization begins to sink in that Monday is in my near future, and Mondays deserve a big thumbs down. This morning was no different, but it was especially crappy when I walked into the office and found out the AC was down throughout the school. (Yes, I am a 21st century American and am incredibly spoiled.) Great. So I waltz into my classroom and start up my computer, which took an especially long time. The bell rings, students begin sitting in their desks, and I continue try to open up up the PowerPoint for the day's lesson, full of interesting pictures, information, and video clips to help guide them (and me) through the lesson. But guess what? The system is inaccessible, and no one on campus has access to their files. Sucky. First period is so not cool. By third period I've hit my stride, any glitches in the day's activity/lesson have been ironed out, and learning abounds. First period? Not so much. (Seriously, Porter-I'm not just making this up.)

In the good news department, however, my saddle shoes I have been coveting for quite some time arrived and I ADORE them. Interesting reactions from the students, as they called them bowling shoes, Mickey Mouse shoes, referred to me as Charlie Chaplin, etc. You never know what will cause a ruckus in class.

For Mom and Dad!

2009-08-29T10:54:00.001-07:00

Haha, siblings! I win the "favorite child of the day" award. (Even though Dad had to come fix my water pipes this morning after knocking on my door and calling multiple times to wake me up. THANK YOU!)

So long, sweet summer.

2009-08-21T09:54:00.000-07:00

So I'm guessing I should probably brush up on my knowledge concerning the economy, as school is in full effect on Monday and I have avoided all news sources and discussions concerning it the past couple months. Looks as though I will be spending the weekend glued to the computer screen, perusing websites for CNN, NBER, The Dismal Scientist, The Economist and some random Google searches...with probably a little Facebook, Fark and dlisted thrown in.

13. Two for one.

2009-06-25T09:43:00.000-07:00

13. I Am Scout: A Biography of Harper Lee (Charles J. Fields) was found in the school library as I walked out of the computer lab following a day spent answering the same ten questions five thousand times (does NO ONE read directions?) as my students worked on a stock market project. To Kill A Mockingbird has always been a favorite book of mine (I know I am not the first to say that) and I find it interesting that the author, Harper Lee, never wrote anything else. (But, seriously-talk about pressure!) Thus, I thought a peek into her life would be quite interesting.

Apparently Mr. Shields wrote a first biography directed at adults, and I Am Scout was his edition for the teen crowd...you could kind of tell. It was a little choppy at times, but still a good read. We find that Ms. Lee's real name is Nelle but went by her middle name, as she did not want it mispronounced "Nellie." Her close childhood friend Truman Capote, upon whom the character Dill is based, basically screwed her over following the monumental success of In Cold Blood, refusing to acknowledge the integral role she played in gaining information about the case. (Side note: What is the big deal about his book? I think the man just knew how to market himself well. I thought it was meh, and we all know my opinion is the only one that truly matters.) I recommend it to anyone who loves her book...and if you have not yet read this masterpiece, go sit in the corner. Seriously. Of course I had to pick it up when I should have been doing a hundred other things (this was when school was still in session) and it is definitely a book that transcends the ages. The following quote by Clifton Fadiman is very apropos: "When you reread a classic you do not see more in the book than you did before; you see more in you than was there before."

During my time reading TKAM, I got into a, well, we'll call it a discussion with a student. This kid is the type who thinks he is always right and quibbled over every single point I ever docked him. I basically told him he was prejudiced/racist, and advised him to read the book, showing him the following quote: "If you just learn a single trick, Scout, you'll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it." (Atticus Finch. Coolest name ever.) I doubt he took my little literary lesson to heart.

PS-I am always reminded of Grandma and Grandpa Urmston when I read To Kill A Mockingbird; on one of the trips they took Nicole and me on, I remember watching the movie for the first time. Interestingly, Gregory Peck's role was much smaller initially, but it was built up, paving the way for his Oscar. Harper Lee's first choice for the role of Atticus (based upon her on father) was Spencer Tracy.

PPS-This was assigned reading in Mrs. Reider's 8th grade literature class (one of the best teachers), and the final project included creating a map of the fictional town of Maycomb, AK, the book's setting. Laura O'Rullian and I spent hours at Erin McCarthy's house (the night before, of course) putting this flipping thing together. You had to hunt through the book to make sure the post office was on the correct corner and that Ms. Dubose's house was just so. What is in I Am Scout? A map of Harper Lee's town of Monroeville, upon which Maycomb was based. What. Ever.

Holy crap. I need to pick up the pace if I am going to read 50 new books this year.

Done.

2009-06-17T13:43:00.000-07:00

The 10 year reunion went off without a hitch and good times were had by all. The end.

Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch!

2009-06-12T16:02:00.000-07:00

I figured now that I have a couple months to catch up, it would be a good time to get a haircut, as it has been about 8 months since the last one and my hair has been through its own Battle of Iwo Jima this year. I sprung for the fancy salon and went to Great Clips, where a gorgeous (seriously) Argentinian lady snipped away. I began by first apologizing for the hot mess that is my hair and explaining its recent history, and then she proceeded to give my hair disparaging looks while encouraging me to buy expensive reconstructive products. Um, did she not hear I stripped it on my own, an obvious sign that I am a cheapskate? That said, I am VERY happy with the cut and will be returning to Adelita at Great Clips on Rosedale. Fo' sho'.

The best part of the experience was eavesdropping on the conversation taking place to my right, as it included some girl describing all the "really cute" outfits she bought her niece. I couldn't see this Eleanor Roosevelt of the 21st century, but after hearing her shopping selections, I had an image in my mind. I will share with you some of her words and you can play the game as well.

1) Sorry boys, I only date rock stars
(Do you WANT your daughter on the "Rock of Love" bus? Dream big, o' little one.)
2) I'm with the MILF
(I will SLAP you, Courtney, if you ever purchase this for me and my pretend children, just for wasting your money.)
3) I love my daddy, even if he is a deabeat a**$#@!
(Make sure to dress the kid in this when the daddy drops by once a year to take the kid to the park for an hour. Nothing like a big pile of animosity to get the visit started right!)

There were a few more, but at this point my head was exploding with the shock and horror of it all. I was tempted to lean over and ask if she found one emblazoned with the message "In 20 years, taxpayers wll be supporting me and my 5 kids", as that would be super appropriate, but I am passive aggressive and that's just not my style. I'll just sit there and smirk to myself at the witty and hilarious things running through my head, then post it on my blog.

I realize that a picture of Britney Spears and the kids sharing a pack of smokes would have been more post-appropriate, but her image has already been used once on my blog, so I though I'd change it up. Nothing like Brooke Hogan in a pair of homemade denim chaps (What?! No bedazzled jewels?!?) to represent this particular sector of society.

Urmston Family Reunion t-shirt. Thoughts?

2009-05-25T16:20:00.000-07:00

Stupid blogspot would not add the "widget" to my post, but it would add it to the "gadget" in the layout (good story, I know), so look to the RIGHT for my idea for the Urmston Family Reunion t-shirt; I am obviously ripping off Uncle Peter. (CORRECTION: ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY COOP-A-LOOP.) I tried out various fonts and colors, and this is the best result (according to me and my impeccable taste). The image on the back should actually be the same shade of yellow as the text on the front, but I seriously lack Photoshop skills, so use your imagination. The numbers in the Uranium box (for all those non-science fools) can be changed from 92 to 61 (for the year of establishment) and from 238.03 to 620.09 (for the month and year of reunion).

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Spiritual awakenings? Religious antecdotes? Please leave here! Merci beaucoup.

From the makers of "The Wonder Wand"...

2009-05-23T13:35:00.000-07:00

My honors kids really didn't want a written final, and I obliged by giving them a few project options, including making an economics music video using an already recorded song or an original. I posted a video a few months back of a commercial for "The Wonder Wand" made by some of my boys, and I'm sure all who saw it would agree it was quite fantastic. This video is their newest creation. Thank you to Brandon Carter, Brian Williams, Jean-Luc Slagle, and Ryan Sitton for continually amazing me. Enjoy.

Follow-up: Channel 29 news did a story on them today. Sweet.

A few other projects were also quite fabulous, including a remake of Lonely Island's "I'm on a Boat"-theirs was "I Bought a Boat." (If you haven't seen the original, check it out-there is a clean version available for those with sensitive ears.) I'll post it soon. I know, you're all on the edge of your seats.

I'm going to miss these kids.

"Who's got two thumbs, speaks limited French, and is seeing No Doubt in 6 days? This moi."

2009-05-14T23:43:00.000-07:00

For Shnee!

2009-05-12T17:26:00.000-07:00

Jesus broke the connection because we were talking so much crap.

Dear Mama...

2009-05-10T21:36:00.000-07:00

Go to Shnee's blog for the sweet stuff; I work hard to maintain my status as the cynical one.

Anytime I bring up issues fom my past, Mom offers to send me to counseling. We successfully cleared up one such problem that has existed since my high school days.

As senior class president, I gave the welcoming speech at graduation; I then was the first to receive my diploma. Following this, my family left, which meant after the ceremony, when everyone is on the field, taking pictures, etc., I was without family. I brought this up for the fiftieth time a couple months back, to which Mom asked "if I give you $20, will you never complain about this again?" Fo' sho'. Mama didn't raise no fool.

10, 11, 12. Shoot me in the face, could've done worse, now we're getting there; respectively.

2009-05-07T16:52:00.001-07:00

All the big reading I was going to do during Spring Break didn't really happen. I submit two reasons for this lack of literary consumption: 1) napping is sometimes better than reading and 2) the selection I brought was so incredibly craptastic that I think I temporarily lost interest.

Before heading over to Leo Carrillo, Courtney and I did some shopping at the Goodwill bookstore (one of my favorite frugal finds EVA). Unfortunately, my discerning taste must have been on holiday, as I managed to purchase some truly ridiculous beach reads. I don't know what I was expecting, as they were typical "chick lit" selections (I wasn't looking to get through Atlas Shrugged or anything like that), but geesh...I actually BURNED one of the books in the campfire after I read it, Nazi Germany style, as I did not want to place it on my beloved bookshelf or donate it and subject someone else to such trash. #10-two thumbs down to Janet Evanovich's Plum Lovin'.

The Guy Not Taken (#11) was a collection of short stories that really weren't so bad but, after the mindless dribble I had just read, I think my brain was shutting down. They were by an author I've read before, Jennifer Weiner (the brothers and cousins got a big kick out of that), and I would recommend some of her other books for those looking for some very light reading. (I love how I sound like some snooty New York Times reviewer. Excuse me while I continue Anna Karenina now.)

#12 was borrowed from Melanie and was pretty engaging: The Mysterious Benedict Society.
A preview...

Reynie Muldoon sets off one day to take an important and mysterious test. He and the other children do not know what the test will be or what they will win if they pass, they are all simply answering an ad in the newspaper: "Are you a gifted child looking for special opportunities?"

And thus begins the adventure of a lifetime. The test-takers are soon narrowed down to four extraordinary children: Reynie, George “Sticky” Washington, Kate “The Great Kate Weather Machine” Wetherall [reminds me very much of our own cousin Kait-will tell it like it is, creative, and resourceful], and Constance Contraire. These kids all possess an impressive combination of intelligence, bravery, and that certain je ne sais quoi that makes a hero, which is good because they pretty much have to save the entire world from Evil.
(Thanks to Gracetopia for the blurb.)

Trenton Lee Stewart's writing has been compared to both Roald Dahl's and Lemony Snicket's, and I must concur. Moreover, the illustrations done by Carson Ellis are quite enchanting and truly add to the story. I always love finding great children's books and, while I wouldn't put it in the same category as some of my favorites (e.g. From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler and Starring Sally J. Freedman as Herself), it's one to be checked out. With vacation ahead (YAY!) it will entertain your kids (and it's 400+ pages!) and you could do some cool projects (art, discussion, etc.) along with it. Hmmm...it might be fun to have some sort of kids' book club/day camp this summer. Anyone think they or their kids would be interested?

In my experience, "let's think about it" usually ends up with me watching Solid Gold in my basement on prom night.

2009-05-05T17:07:00.000-07:00

I think there is a part of me that would have preferred such viewing pleasure to the day I had a couple weeks back. The BIG EVENT for which the junior class was responsible occurred-PROM-and, thankfully, it went quite fabulously. The girls and I spent the days leading up to it shopping and painting, designing and shopping, and shopping and creating. Needless to say, we definitely did our part to support the economy, all the while finding AMAZING bargains on Chinese paper lanterns, glow necklaces, the whole sha-bang. How did we ever accomplish anything before the Internet? Just Google coupons for whatever website you're using the next time you do some shopping, and the deals that pop up will astound you. Anycheapskate, the decorations were amazing (I know, who looks at them?), the candy bar and bathroom amenities were a hit, and the kids danced/reveled in iniquity (according to Mom) the night away. The event was capped by one of the swimmers hopping onto a lighted dance platform and stripping down to his Speedo, tie, and tube socks-inappropriate yet hilarious.

Huge THANK YOU to Aunt Jaime for her amazing seamstress skills, as she took my $14 Ross dress and turned it into a Queen of Hearts costume. (I'm sure she whipped the adjustments and flair into place in less than an hour, but I am a sewing retard and probably would still be stabbing myself in the eye with a needle if I had done it. This is why we engage in trade, oh proponents of increasing trade barriers to protect crap American industries.); Nicole for braving an incredibly tall ladder for hours to hang the 70+ lanterns, all the while dealing with my anal retentiveness; and Mom, who spent countless hours making the cake for the Mad Hatter Tea Party table (which I had planned to let my classes gorge on the following Monday, but every single kid felt the need to touch/poke/rub it, trying to determine if it was real or fake), made vinyl cutouts for the centerpieces (red and white roses with playing cards popping out), helped with last-minute (hour?) set-up, and especially for swiping some chicken from the hotel restaurant in an attempt to help me gain back my sanity-apparently you need more than a handful of Swedish fish in a 12-hour period? Crack was invented for days like this-you can see the crazy in my eyes.

Earlier in the day I was setting up for a few hours by myself, as the girls left to do the hair/nail ritual, and in the ballroom next to me was a "Fashionata" show (what the crap is a "Fashionata"?). I had to endure a couple hours of listening to the catwalk commentary, courtesy of rich old women-quite enlightening. Some of the event attendees popped in to watch me do my thing, with one woman referring to me as the "help" (what century is this?), while another asked me if we were serving "light hors d'oeuvres." When I replied in the affirmative, saying we were having cookies, chocolate-dipped strawberries, mozzarella sticks, and chicken strips (the food was part of the package), she condescendingly told me that those weren't light, as there were items with protein. Well la-di-freakin'-da.

Fun fact: I received a phone call AND had to have a face-to-face conversation with a parent who was incensed over the fact that her child had not been elected for Prom Royalty, as that had been his/her "only high school dream." Priorities, people.

PS-For those who didn't know, I went back to the blonde in February. I know, alert the press. This required 3 boxes of color stripper and 7 bottles of hair color in one weekend. How my hair did not fall out remains a mystery. It stayed a funky color for about a month (still a little weird looking when worn down), and I must say I thoroughly enjoyed the helpful comments from my students. Case in point: one kid asked when I was going to fix my hair, to which I replied "when are you going to fix your face?" I know, my professionalism astounds you.

Seriously?

2009-04-26T22:56:00.000-07:00

I had my dad's truck the other day, as my mom needed my oh-so-gas-efficient Honda Civic to go out of town, and I thought it would be a good time to drop off the piles of bags full of old bottles and cans that I saved from my classroom...at Liberty...last year. Yes, they've been sitting in my garage FOR-E-VER. On my way to drop them off, I stopped at Walmart for a crapload of prom supplies, and when I came back out, something was missing. That something was 8 huge bags of recycling. What the what?! Of course the swim pop-ups and lap counters were untouched (I know, who wouldn't want lap counters?) but my bags o' cans were nowhere to be found. Only at Walmart. I like to tell myself that the money (about $30-$40) went to feed some needy family, but more than likely some skeeze was able to buy their supply of crack for the night. Geesh...

Some covert action.

2009-04-18T15:11:00.000-07:00

Mason and I went shopping for his prom shoes and tie today and had a MAJOR score on the Vans. We stopped by Macy's as well so I could buy some fancy-schmancy eyeliner at the MAC counter for about twice the regular price, but I had a gift card and I heard it was the best of the "affordable" options. (I love that magazines such as InStyle think MAC and Banana Republic are good for those "shopping on a budget.") Mason tried to not look like too much of a homosexual at the makeup counter while some bleach blonde gal rattled off about twenty different shades of black from which I could choose-I settled upon black.

We drove by Costco on the way home and Mason asked if I had a Costco card, as a polish dog and soda for $1.50 is cheap and delicious. No membership, but I did have a gift card and needed gas. I didn't want to wait for twenty cars, though, but fatty Mason said we should still attempt to get in the store and I could try an "I forgot my card" line-we're hardcore and decided to go for it. Turns out all I had to do was open my wallet and simply pretend to look through it for the doorman to grant us entrance. Victory! Spicy mustard was in my near future.

Not only was the polish dog and pink lemonade (with a touch of Sprite) as good as ever, I commented to Mason that the fact that we got something we weren't supposed to made it just that much better-he agreed. Hmmmm, maybe proponents of legalizing marijuana based on the argument that a lot of kids do it just because it is illegal are onto something.

9. This was NOT intended.

2009-03-28T15:51:00.001-07:00

My friend's birthday was last week, and usually I bring my A-game when it comes to selecting the perfect gift for such things. However, my creativity has been severely depleted due to my need for it in the planning of Prom and organizing the school blood drive. Thus, I found myself at Target/my Mecca buying her a gift card-lame. I decided to add a personal touch with a book and settled upon Tori Spelling's autobiography; you know, real hard-hitting journalism. Of course I flipped through it when I got home, and soon browsing had turned into perusing. And that's how I found myself up until 2am engrossed in the sordid tale of Tori's privileged upbringing, drama on the set of "90210" (I was never allowed to watch it but I don't feel that deprived), her first failed marriage, finding new love (with a married man-scandalous!), etc. And you better believe I wrapped it up nicely (that truly is my favorite part of the gift-giving process) and am giving it to her tonight at the birthday soiree.

During my shopping excursion I was looking at office supplies (hold on, it gets better) and saw a body appear, then quickly disappear, at the end of the aisle, followed by a yelp of "I don't want to see her!" What the what? Of course I investigated and found three of my students. Apparently kids think it awkward to see teachers out of their natural habitat and, of the three, only Carissa was being normal and conversing with me like a human being, while Jeff and Rudy tried to avoid eye contact. Jeff then shared that he had seen me looking through the books and quickly turned the other way, as he didn't want me to see him "dressed like this." First off, there was nothing wrong with his ensemble (I was looking hot-to-trot in my gym clothes); and second, if one is as smart as this kid, who cares what you're wearing? While I do enjoy the world o' fashion and find great joy in piecing together outfits for the work and fun times, others don't, and that's cool. I only judge girls who wear Uggs paired with miniskirts and boys who don the Skin and Metal Mulisha brands.

I can recommend sTORI TELLING (props on the title) for those looking for a quick and painless beach read; but not for those looking to nourish their mind, body, and soul. I am thinking of atoning for this by checking out The Snowball: Warren Buffett and the Business of Life. My students and I recently read and discussed excerpts from his annual letter to Berkshire Hathaway stockholders, and he is just good stuff. Did you know he has lived in the same home for the past 50 years and that he has a company jet he named "The Indefensible"? Fun facts...

Skanks.

2009-03-23T20:49:00.000-07:00

So I was looking at all of the family's posts yesterday and noticed that the heading for mine included drug usage, while Courtney's included the word "ho". I mentioned this to my mom, saying that she must be so proud of her daughters; she laughed and gave me one of her reprimanding looks. Fast forward to today when she admittd that she didn't really get Courtney's ("Idaho...No Udaho") until she said it aloud, and that the pride was just swelling inside. I thought I'd change it up for Mom's sake. Your turn now, Shnee.

I need the good drugs.

2009-03-14T16:28:00.000-07:00

Life has been crazy: B-A-N-A-N-A-S! Teaching economics during a recession is draining, as I am constantly reading and studying every news source out there, trying to stay abreast of the sitution so that my students don't think their teacher is an ignoramous who should be pink-slipped. Although my workload has increased quite a bit, though, it's exciting to be teaching a subject that is extremely relevant and that allows for awesome discussions. I can honestly say that, as of now, I am loving my job...although Friday you couldn't tell, as I was on the verge of throwing desks, as 3rd quarter grades closed and everyone and their mother needed to make up tests at the last minute and give me a billion excuses as to why/how they lost their extra credit papers.

My second endeavour that is monopolizing my time is planning the prom. The theme is Alice in Wonderland and is going to be quite bomb-diggity. I am the class advisor and should really just be overseeing things, but I have control issues with how things should look and took on the task of designing the tickets and posters to advertise the event. (I think I should be a graphic designer later in life, but that would entail really knowing how to operate a computer.) The kids I'm working with are great, though, and the event should be quite fantastic (fingers crossed).

Lastly, swim. (Any excuse to post a picture of Aaron Peirsol is a good one.) I am one of Frontier's JV coaches and am really having good times with my kids, or "guppies" as we refer to them. We just had our second meet, and it is rewarding to see the kids improve and to watch them get excited about their progress. We swim against Liberty next week, though, which will more than likely be a blowout and will burst their bubbles, but it's good to knock kids down once in awhile-it prepares them for the real world. This season's coaching experience has really brought me a new appreciation of my dad and the program he has built at Liberty, and I hope that I can inject some of that at Frontier. It makes me laugh that I am the strict disciplinarian at my new school, though, as I was the "easy coach" at Liberty (not Mary Kay Leteourneau easy).

My "50 books in 2009" goal continues, though slowly, but I'll catch up over Spring Break. #6 was The Buccaneers by Edith Wharton, about American girls who travel to England to find love; #7 was The Lost Continent by Bill Bryson, a non-fiction piece about an American (himself) who lived in England for 20 years and came back to the good ol' U.S.A. to travel via automobile to discover and explore the homeland; and #8 was Can't Wait to Get to Heaven by Fannie Flagg (author of books such as Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistlestop Cafe). I have read most of her books and have loved every one. She writes in a very honest and candid style about slices of real American life, and I recommend her to anyone who is looking to distract themselves from the hustle and bustle of the world. Of the three, Bill Bryson's was my favorite. I laughed out loud throughout, and I am definitely looking forward to reading more of him.

I KNEW it wasn't just me!

2009-02-17T19:06:00.000-08:00

Although the local paper usually is not my source for current events (it's all about cnn.com and FARK, baby), I tend to enjoy Lois Henry, and her article about the women in Bakersfield getting the "short end of the dating stick" rang oh-so-true. Henceforth, I'll be spending my weekends on the green. (Either that sounds like I plan to get high a lot, or I just spend too much time around teenagers. Hmmm...)

To all the Presidents I've loved before...

2009-02-16T13:34:00.000-08:00

Big ups to my personal favorites: Thomas Jefferson and Harry S Truman. The attached audio is by Mike Birbiglia, in honor of our 43rd. I don't care if you are Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, Anarchist, Green Party, whatever; it is hilarious.

5. I now want to see a Scarlett Johansson movie. Questionable.

2009-02-08T17:10:00.000-08:00

I have always enjoyed period pieces in regards to movies and books, and Girl with a Pearl Earring was no different. One of my favorite classes in college was European history, with an emphasis on the Dutch (gold star to Dr. Rink!), and this book reawakened my interest in the land of windmills and wooden shoes. It is historical fiction, creating a backstory for the girl in the portrait and the artist, Vermeer, and it is simplistically lovely. I have the painting hanging in my front room (surprise, surprise) and I now have a story-albeit one entirely contrived-that gives the girl some soul.

In globetrotting news, I have decided my next European rendezvous will include Holland and Denmark. Learn some more history, tiptoe through the tulips, get in touch with my family roots, and see where the future of America is headed if we continue with Obama's plans for socialization. Hurray for a nation of dependents!

3. & 4. Two steps forward, two steps back.

2009-02-06T18:35:00.000-08:00

Yes, I did just quote Paula Abdul. Most know her today as the drunky McDrunkster on American Idol, but I will forever remember her in a Laker Girl uniform and dancing with a cartoon cat. Straight up!

Book #3 on my 2009 50 list was Love is a Verb by Mary Ellen Edmunds, recommended by my mom. It was very uplifting and reminded me that there is more to life than stacks of ungraded papers and discussions about the economic stimulus package (one in EVERY class today-kill me) and that I need to be more vocal/active (hence the "verb" in the title) in showing my love for others, which can be difficult for me, as I am somewhat of a closed book/ice queen.

I decided to follow it up with Revolutionary Road (currently a movie starring those kids from Titanic). I know it's a book I should pretend to have enjoyed, as it is the story of a 1960s couple trying to come to terms with a life they never really wanted, culminating in great tragedy, but...meh. Just wasn't doing it for me. One of my favorite movies is American Beauty, though, and I kind of recognize some similarities between the two stories, but I'm going to have to pass on Road. I am loving my newest literary pursuit, however, so good times are ahead. I know, you are all waiting on the edge of your seats for my review. Be patient.

In other book news, I stopped by the Goodwill that is devoted to used books and SCORED, finding six more Baby-Sitters Club books to add to my collection that I'm slowly rebuilding. I passed on a couple Jessi and Mallory books, though, because they were always boring. Any other BSC fans with me on this one? Nobody cares that your parents treat you like babies or that you love stupid horse stories. Now get back to describing Claudia's outfit!

Suggestions wanted.

2009-02-01T16:28:00.000-08:00

For those who have not yet been drawn into the hilarity that is 30 Rock, may I recommend that you schedule a viewing next Thursday night at 9:30. It is a behind-the-scenes show about an NBC sitcom, and Alec Baldwin is especially fantastic; though a typical annoying Hollywood liberal in real-life, he masterfully plays a Republican corporate bigwig.

Although the most recent episode was a rerun, I still managed to not feel as though I had wasted thirty minutes of my life, as I had a pile of papers to grade in front of me. (Does it matter that I only got through about five?) Moreover, it was the genius reunion episode in which Liz Lemon (Tina Fey’s character) returns to her high school to show former classmates that “the ugly duckling has turned into a vaguely ethnic swan”; go online to view the episode or hit up a friend with DVR and good taste in television. (I swear, I am not being compensated for my promotion of this, although I should check into it.)

The point of all of this is that I am currently planning my ten-year reunion with some classmates and am looking for input from those who have attended their own. What did you like about your reunion? Not like? What would be some fun award categories to present (e.g. “person with most divorces under their belt”)? Please include any and all suggestions in the comment box or email me at candice.urmston@gmail.com.

Merci beaucoup!

I love my job: reason #136

2009-01-27T16:28:00.000-08:00

We are wrapping up our study of demand this week (when prices go up, demand goes down...earth-shattering, I know) and I planned a project for my honors students to get their juices flowing. These kids need to be creatively engaged to stay interested, and I thought it would be fun to expand upon our study of what other factors influence demand besides just price. Following a class analysis and discussion of ads for things like cigarettes and diamonds (you know, the bare necessities), they were assigned the task of designing a campaign (in print or commercial form) that would increase demand "in these tough times" for a seemingly ordinary product. Gold stars, happy faces, and kudos to Jean-Luc (you MUST say this as though you are aboard the Starship Enterprise), Brandon, Brian, and Ryan. Freakin' hilarious.

PS-Many other student campaigns used the "sex sells" tactic; interesting final products are proudly displayed upon my classroom walls.

2. Hmmm...

2009-01-21T18:37:00.000-08:00

I read Ender's Game based on the recommendation of some of my male students, and I just don't think the sci-fi genre is for me. The author did an excellent job of revealing some aspects of human nature, though, such as how to lead/manipulate the masses (if we hadn't all learned from the whole Obama debacle) and how to best use our emotions-one of my favorite quotes: "Ender's anger was cold, and he could use it. Bonzo's was hot, and so it used him"-let that one sink in. Ooooh...nice.

Okay, that whole last sentence is so screwed up in terms of punctuation that I'm not even going to mess with it. AnyStarWars, overall an enjoyable read; I'm just not the target demographic. It's good to expand my horizons every now and then, though, but only in terms of literature. :)

1. Boo-yah.

2009-01-16T17:46:00.000-08:00

I finished the first of this year's fifty books, and I am already thoroughly enjoying the endeavour. It was lengthy (and not Harry Potter font-size 18 pretend lengthy), but never a dull moment. I am sure Margaret Mitchell will roll over in her grave, but I am thinking that Britney Spears is a modern-day Scarlett O'Hara. The resilience, the multiple marriages, Southern roots, always being judged, baby daddy drama, secretly pining for Ashley/Justin Timberlake, the cliffhanger ending (will she get him back/will she get her career and abs back?), etc. And the whole time I was reading I kept thinking that Clark Gable was MADE to play Rhett.

PS-I think I am going to hell for feeling sympathy for the post-Civil War Southerners, actually breathing a sigh of relief when Reconstruction came to an end. Crap.

Happy wedding, sister!

2009-01-11T14:12:00.001-08:00

50.

2009-01-02T21:17:00.000-08:00

Over the course of the holiday break I have had the time to read quite a few new books, some of which I loved (e.g. The Black Dahlia and The Other Boelyn Girl). I realized that I have gotten into the habit of rereading the same books over and over, and have decided that one of my goals for 2009 is to read 50 books I have never experienced. I originally thought 100 would be a fun number, but then quickly realized that would be one book every 3.6 days (I know, I am dazzling you all with my math skills) and that might take the fun out of the whole thing. My first selection is Gone with the Wind and, while it is a bit weighty and some of the slave language (is that okay to say? Who cares...) is dificult to understand, a la Jim in Huck Finn, I am thoroughly enjoying this classic.

Happy Christmas!

2008-12-24T15:16:00.000-08:00

Big love to all my family and friends (and any creepy blog stalkers...we all do it) during this joyous holiday season. I am spending time with my family, traveling the Beehive State in the minivan, reading and watching movies during the car ride, shoving my face with ridiculous amounts of food (10 year reunion in 6 months-just enough time to take it all off), wrapping gifts, sledding down snow-covered hills at a golf course, riding my cousin Kaitlin's horse (while she makes fun of me and my California ways), kicking the boys' butts at TV and movie trivia, four-wheeling through white powder, sharing stories (aka gossiping) with family, etc. I love pretending I am 10 years old again; I highly recommend it to all.

PS-I obviously neither condone cigarettes, nor am I sending anyone a carton for Christmas, so chill.

My legacy.

2008-12-18T23:56:00.000-08:00

Friday is the last day of finals (yesss!) and the last time I will have this group of students, as they switch over to government when we return from break. Thus, following the completion of their final, I had each student fill out a survey, with such questions as "what is the most important thing you will take from this class", "what did you NOT like about this class", "what is your favorite memory", etc. I was somewhat apprehensive about extending this to them, as it is not really awesome to have a stack of papers detailing everything somebody doesn't like about you and your job performance, even if it is just a bunch of 17 and 18 years olds. If I want to improve, though, I need feedback. I must say, reading those surveys has been a great way to end the past few days. My most favorite moment, when I really felt as though I had gotten through to them, was when someone wrote that the thing they will take from this class is that "it's always important to get a fixed rate when buying a house." Yahoo! I really am getting through to them. I literally yelped aloud with joy when I read that. My excitement was tempered a bit, however, by the fact that something I had said in my 4th period class was written multiple times as a "favorite memory." The short explanation is that my students are always trying to delve into my personal life, and they think that because I don't have cable I must live in a cardboard box, and because I don't have a boyfriend I have no life. Following one such inquiry about my weekend plans, I replied saying that "you don't have to have a boyfriend to do stuff," which the pervs then interpreted as something highly inappropriate and promiscuous. Awesome. And this is what most of them will remember. Loving it.

I concluded today with one of my most favorite activities, though: wrapping presents! One of my best friends, Jill, lacks gift-wrapping skills, and even resorted to you-tubing some lady in a Cosby-like sweater giving instructions (for the love of all that is holy, what isn't on youtube?). I invited her over for lessons and some delicious olive pesto with cream cheese on artisan bread and chocolate-dipped macaroons (gotsta love the Trader Joe's) and I spent the evening sharing my sweet skills with another. The joy I get from creasing the edges just so and matching the perfect paper with ribbon is ridiculous, but we all have our quirks. And by the end of the night, Jill had mastered the folding and the cutting like a pro. Yes, my teaching skills extend beyond just economics. Watch out.

Great way to start the weekend.

2008-12-13T09:42:00.000-08:00

I got quite a bit of holiday shopping done last night (and unfortunately bought a few things for myself- Target's clearance racks are an additional 30% off!) and ended up back at my house at about 11:30. I got all my bags out of my car and, when I went to unlock my front door, I realized my house key had fallen off my key ring. Great. I plopped down on my porch and went through everything, then proceeded to investigate my car. Nothing. I ended up back at Target hanging out at the employee door for someone to let me in, but they couldn't find anything either. I combed the parking lot (it's about midnight at this point-I am a genius, I know) but came up empty. Thus, last night was spent bunked on my parents' couch, while this morning was spent finding the cheapest locksmith available. $50 isn't that bad, so thanks to Don's Mobile Locksmith!

Too bad I am a paranoid freak and keep my house locked up like Fort Knox, otherwise I could pop off a screen and voila! I am off to make copies to distribute to some trusted family members.

Spell check? Boo.

2008-12-09T17:41:00.000-08:00

We are in the home stretch at school and the holidays are on the horizon. That said, my head may soon explode. Economics is a one semester course and some of my students decided in the second week of school to do nothing for three months, dawdle for another, then harass me for ways to improve their grade to a passing level. Um, I don't know, join the real world, do your work, and make up those four tests? Maybe?

Today I had the lovely opportunity to enjoy countless presentations on their stock market projects. It's my job, I know. AnyDow30, a common problem was evident throughout the day: these kids are too reliant upon spell check! Seriously, this function is ruining us. You don't "loose" money, you "lose" money (and you really do in the current stock market). Additionally, I can't remember the last time I "choose" to invest in Apple because it looked promising. "Chose"? Why, yes. Just because it is spelled correctly doesn't mean it's the right word, kids. I gave my 7th period class the "spell check is leading us down the pathway to hell" speech, to which one student asked if this was another one of my "things", like not letting them say "gay" or using the wrong their/they're/there. Looks like I have a few soapboxes from which to choose in my classroom. Nice.

That said, gold stars and thumbs up to those who did an amazing job and actually read my instructions, as opposed to asking me the same 52 questions all day long.

PS-I am now rereading this post repeatedly to ensure I have not misspelled anything, as I have made myself paranoid. Whatever, you all judge me anyway.

Keep, keep, keep it up?

2008-12-07T13:17:00.001-08:00

I usually finish books in a couple days, but I am on about my second week with this one; I just can't get into it and am only a quarter of the way through. Is there something I am missing? It was awarded the Pulitzer Prize, so there's got to be something that people enjoy, but I just don't think it's my cup of tea. I am therefore extending a request to anyone who has read it-do I struggle on through or return it to the bookshelf to make myself appear well read to friends and family? I sometimes think the people who award such prizes try to pick the most obscure and random pieces, so as to make the rest of the population feel inadequate while they sit atop their thrones of literary pretension and thumb their noses at the uneducated masses. But that's just me.

On a side note, I read The Cider House Rules a couple weeks ago and loved it! John Irving (also wrote The World According to Garp) is quite magnificent, and he even named one of his characters Candice, although he makes a snide remark about said name in the book. Whatever, John.

Ads of Yore: When Businesses Weren't Frontin' and Bein' All Shady

2008-12-06T12:56:00.000-08:00

Opening up ketchup bottles?! What are we going to be able to do next? Vote?

This ad is making Nicole's head spin.

You know those PEP "vitamins" had speed in them. "She's a maniac, maniac..." Jessie Spano style. Anyone else remember that "very special episode" of "Saved by the Bell"?

Apparently Love's Baby Soft laid the groundwork for today's Bratz dolls. Thanks, Love's!

I guess Paris Hilton is older than I thought.

Courtesy of fark.com and sun-sentinel.com

Merci Beaucoup, Dad!

2008-12-02T16:33:00.000-08:00

Christmas just came early for me! I ran home during lunch today (okay, I drove, even though it is less than ¼ of a mile away-it is COLD! And I am lazy…) and found the BEST surprise awaiting me: the bushes in my front yard (hiding places for potential rapists) had been trimmed and (drumroll) my backyard is weed free!

For anyone who has ever seen my backyard, there is no need to expand upon its ghetto-not-so-fabulousness. Weeds taller than me covered the whole area, and the skeletons of a couple kittens are in the ground somewhere (not my cats-I HATE them-but the offspring of a crazy mama cat who has been sent to remind us all that hell actually does exist).

I vow that I will not allow the weeds to come back this time, which means I will have to venture outside to do some yard work, one of my least favorite things to do. I remember having to weed in my younger years, and one day thought I would be smart and just cut them, using my mom’s GOOD SEWING SCISSORS. (I am as surprised as the rest of you that I made it to twenty-seven following such an atrocious lapse in judgment.) It is time to throw down some seed and plant a garden; I’m going to force myself to have a green thumb if it kills me, because we all need more fruits and veggies in our lives, especially if they’re free. Stick that one in your pipe and smoke it, new organic grocery store down the street!

I apologize to my readers for the repeated use of the exclamation point in this post, but I really am flippin' excited!!!

It's official!

2008-12-01T16:37:00.000-08:00

The National Bureau of Economic Research (NBER) announced today that America is in a recession, and has been since December 2007. I know, I know-I'm SO glad the NBER is around to let us know things are in the crapper, because up until now I thought everything was all unicorns and rainbows. Thanks for the big dose of reality, economists! At the beginning of the school year, a parent took issue with the fact that I even hinted we might be headed towards such an economic state, accusing me of not being qualified to teach. Looks who's laughing now!

Wait, my house is worth how much?

The turkey is served.

2008-11-27T00:06:00.000-08:00

I guess the best Thanksgiving I ever had was the one where we didn't even have turkey. Mom and Dad sat us kids down and explained that business hadn't been that good at Dad's store, so we couldn't afford a turkey. We had vegetables, bread, and pie, and that was just fine. Later I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom to thank them, and I caught them eating a little turkey. I guess that wasn't really the best Thanksgiving. -Fuzzy Memories by Jack Handey

Happy Thanksgiving to all! I am in charge of the yams this year, so those attending our feast might want to bring some vegetables of their own. I'm contemplating just bringing a big ol' economy-sized can of yams and plunking it down in the middle of the table, just to remind everyone that Candice should not be put in charge of real food. Baked goods, however, I can do like nobody's business! I also boil edamame like a champ.

I love my job: reason #108

2008-11-24T20:25:00.000-08:00

I know it is easy to enjoy my job when a four day weekend is in the near future (five day, really-the kids just don't show up the day before break begins, especially when school lets out two hours early) but it is stuff like the picture above that keeps me entertained. The star of the photo decided that, for her senior picture, she would follow the example set by others, in which they bring along their favorite pet to share their yearbook memories. Why? Couldn't tell you. We all know I am not a big animal person, as evidenced by the fact that I bought a dog a few years back (from the SPCA-just trying to do some good!), realized I didn't want the yippy thing about when I came home from a classroom of yippy things, and dropped her off at my parents' house, never to take her back. I know, I am a deadbeat pet owner. Ho-hum. I also voted no on Prop. 2-screw the chickens and baby cows! (A special place in hell awaits me.)

But I digress...The gal in the photo thought it would be a good idea to purchase a hideous Christmas sweater, the type of stuff elementary school teachers wear around the holidays (usually accompanied by a a chunky necklace with big wooden Santas), and on her way to the portrait studio spotted a chicken statue in her neighbor's yard; so she swiped it, posing with it the same way a fellow student might pose with their beloved cat or dog. LO-VING IT.
Bangarang, Kristen.

YESSSS!!!

2008-11-22T13:32:00.000-08:00

While I love love love all things about Miss Gwennie Gwen Gwen, her music with No Doubt tops her solo efforts. You can imagine my excitement when I found out that, while they are working on their next group album, they will also be touring. Ahhhh..."Sunday Morning", "Underneath It All", "New"...it's all coming back to me now. (And now I have that stupid Celine Dion/Meatloaf rip-off song in my head. Ugh.)

Perks of the job.

2008-11-19T15:53:00.001-08:00

Two of my great loves are dark chocolate and ice cream. Combined? Heaven on earth. Awhile back one of my students mentioned he worked at Cold Stone Creamery, and I told him to keep me updated on when their amazing After Dinner Mint (dark peppermint chocolate ice cream with Oreos, marshmallows, and chocolate pieces) would be available, as it is a seasonal treat. Winter is an odd time to indulge in cold desserts, but thankfully it remains warm in Bakersfield, and not even residing in Antarctica could keep me from After Dinner Mint. My student did better; not only did he let me know it was now in stores, but he brought me an entire half gallon. Yay! I know some people get cash bonuses, company cars, and clothing allowances at their jobs, but these are my perks, and they are fan-freakin'-tastic. Bangarang, Kaleb.

For the Facebookers!

2008-11-17T12:27:00.000-08:00

My classes are in the school computer lab today working on their second quarter project, which includes participating in a stock market game and researching a Dow 30 company. I have heard lots of whining about how the game is "stupid", as their stocks are decreasing in value. Really, guys? No crap! The game is tied into the real stock market, and our economy is not doing so hot. I am at a loss in regards to what else I can do to help them retain the information. Perhaps if I sent it via text message to their phones?

While they were working, I had the chance to browse the Internet alongside them, and have made two new fun discoveries: I can access my blog and cracked.com. Yay! Something tells me I might start wasting my 40 minute lunch, though. Hmmm...

I found "The Ten Commandments of Facebook" on the aforementioned site that some might enjoy; anything to make me laugh on a Monday is always a good thing.

13 Things

2008-11-13T00:10:00.000-08:00

Those who know me well have come to realize they really don't know me at all, as I tend to not talk about myself a whole lot...I have friends and family who do it enough for everyone. However, after reading one of my favorite blogs ("Meghan" on my blog list) I found a challenge of sorts had been issued in which I was instructed to write about myself. The catch is that you must have as many entries as the date you write it, so hold on, world! You're about to get to know Candice in 13 different ways! You think you know, but you have no idea...(Did I really just quote an MTV show? Kill me now.) Do the same on your blog (quickly, before it is the 30th!) and leave me a comment so I can check out your shady past.

1. I have a serious addiction to pictures, paintings, posters, etc. I am constantly on the hunt for cool new stuff to hang on my walls, and nothing is off limits. I scour vintage magazines, art websites, and antique and thrift stores in search of the next great thing. My newest obsession is finding sewing patterns from the 50s, 60s, and 70s that I frame, while saving the patterns for the day I finally learn how to sew. At last count, not including the art that sits in my spare bedroom closet, I have 82. 82. I am cutting myself off.

2. I have 70 first cousins. We Mormons don't mess around.

3. My reading obsession of choice when I was young was "The Baby-Sitters Club" series. My favorite part in each book was when the narrator (the author would trade off between the different baby-sitters) would describe Claudia Kishi's outfits, which included things like earrings of miniature baskets of fruit and suspenders holding up a pair of men's knickers. I still buy these books when I come across them at used bookstores...and sometimes read them.

4. My uncles gave me the nickname of Billy Idol when I was about 8 years old, as I had short, bright blonde hair and because they were jerks. They also referred to me as Nondus. Like I said, jerks.

5. My very first memory is of Nicole trying to drown me in the bathtub.

6. I have the complete set of Gwen Stefani dolls, including her Harajuku girls, that were issued following her first tour. They are still in their boxes, and there they will remain until FOR-E-VER.

7. I am a firm believer in the fact that people treat you differently based upon your haircolor. In the past five years I have been a blonde, brunette, and redhead, and am currently somewhere in between the last two; Loreal Preference calls it Medium Copper Brown. I decided to go to the dark side following a trip to Europe, where I received much unwanted attention due to my blonde locks. (Okay, maybe not all of it was unwanted.) Upon my return to America, I went to the drugstore and purchased a couple of boxes of hairdye (I have a ridiculous amount of hair), followed the instructions, and thirty minutes later was a new woman! For the first few weeks I felt as though I was wearing a wig, but soon loved the new look. Every now and then I come across old pictures of my blonde days and get a little nostalgic, but then figure it would cost a couple hundred dollars to have my hair stripped and come to my senses. Maybe I'll go back when I hit my midlife crisis.

8. I cannot stand when people use the wrong your/you're, their/there/they're, and it's/its. I also hate when they write "haha" in blogs, emails, and texts. If you need to let me know something is funny and that laughter should be occurring, it probably isn't that funny.

9. One of my proudest moments was opening my PG&E bill last December and seeing that I owed $3.91. You read that correctly. One of my life's goals includes getting charged an even lower amount; just doing my part to conserve, Al Gore.

10. When I was younger I wanted to marry someone whose last name started with either an "E" or a "B", as it would make my initials C.L.U.E. or C.L.U.B. I have since amended my list of things desired of my future spouse.

11. I count nonstop. Whether it is cars, letters in words I hear or read, items on my desk, or people sitting in a group, I count. I get excited when it totals in increments of ten.

12. I sucked my finger (righthand, pointer finger) until about the 4th grade. How I do not have buck teeth, I will never know. My parents tried everything (bribes, punishments, nasty tasting stuff on my finger) but to no avail. I think I stopped because I worshiped my 4th grade teacher (Ms. Elison, now Liz Sagers) and didn't want to ever slip up and do it in her class.

13. My favorite physical attribute about myself is my hair. My favorite personal attribute is my sarcastic sense of humor. Some might say I use it as a defense mechanism...they may be right.

Your turn-GO!

Happy Birthday, Logan!

2008-11-11T14:50:00.001-08:00

L-dawg turns the big 1-5 today, and holy crap we are all getting old. When he was little he thought the Veteran's Day parade was for his birthday, and if the rest of the world knew him, they really would throw such a celebration in his honor. He is still the most talented athlete and beautful boy I've ever met, and I love being his big sister. Happy birthday, Logan!

No matter what...

2008-11-04T15:06:00.000-08:00

It's quite a feeling walking out of a polling place with my head held high, an "I Voted" sticker firmly in place (which I had to ask for, making me feel like a third grader), and with the knowledge that I just cast a ballot for the candidates and propositions I have studied and support, all in the company of my fellow countrymen. Cue the music! "And I'm proud to be an American, for at least I know I'm free..." As the results begin pouring in, whether or not victory is won for your causes and candidates, just remember the following:

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You don't blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny. -Albert Ellis

Election Day fun: If you needed further proof that P. Diddy makes the list of the "Top 5 Most Annoyingly Pretentious Celebrities", especially during elections (Vote or die? Really? That seems a little extreme, Diddy.) click here.

Getch yo hands off my money!

2008-11-02T18:34:00.000-08:00

The first lesson of economics is scarcity: there is never enough of everything to satisfy all those who want it. The first lesson of government is to disregard the first lesson of economics.

While at a Halloween soiree the other night, I got into a discussion about politics with a liberal friend; these are conversations I usually try to avoid with her, as this dead horse has been beaten many times, and I tire quickly of the condescending tone she uses when speaking to me about such things. She concluded by saying "Don't worry-I don't judge you because you're voting for McCain." I replied by telling her I DO judge her for voting for Obama. Bangarang Candice.

Thanks for the video, Mandee!

I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.

2008-10-31T00:02:00.000-07:00

Still planning on opening your door to all the trick-or-treaters? Or ever sleeping without this image haunting you? Didn't think so...

I'm looking forward to Halloween, as it means I get to dress up, even though I am 27 years old. I was all over Homecoming Week dress up days; yes, I live the teen life vicariously through my students and career. Go me! While out looking for a costume I came upon a glitch in the plan: the only ones available for adult women are some variation of the skank theme, such as "Slutty Snow White" or "Trampy Firefighter." Hmmm...quite the conundrum. While I'm sure there are teachers who would show up in such get-ups (Mary Kay Letourneau), I'm going to have to pass on risking my job and any respect I've gained thus far from my students. I'm thinking a classic like a vampire will work, with the fangs, blood, and some big crazy hair. When in doubt, go with the big hair; this philosophy has opened many doors for me.

Sidenote: I spent a few hours Thursday night passing out toothbrushes for the Kern Dental Society at Safe Halloween (hey, lots of kids were excited for our "treat"), and I noticed quite a few booty shorts, bare-midriffs, and go-go boots on ten year olds. Nice. Why are we in a handbasket and where are we going?

Now I ain't sayin' she's a...

2008-10-29T22:30:00.000-07:00

Not a day goes by that I don't engage in an enlightening and interesting conversation with at least one student, and that's what keeps me going back everyday...and my mortgage. Case in point: Monday was the school blood drive, so inevitably kids began asking about donating plasma, for which they get paid, and then the questions began about how much they would get for donating, um, things necessary to make babies. Oh, we also learned about stocks, bonds, and the importance of saving your money!

During my prep period today (an hour for me to get stuff done and to NOT have to talk to students) a student we'll call Mike wandered in (why aren't you in class?) and started doing his typical schmooze bit. I interrupted him to inform him I know what he is up to, and told him I was onto his game of manipulating/charming/playing all the adults in his life. He was taken aback by it and replied that I notice a lot of things others don't, and that I am different from most. Where are you going with this, Mike? Asking him to expand, he told me that I am good-looking (I have come to realize it doesn't take much for teenage boys) yet I don't use it to get what I want, as I went to college and have a job, when I could find myself a sugar daddy to put me in the lap of luxury. I'll keep my options open...or not.

Big goals in life.

2008-10-28T18:35:00.000-07:00

The summer of 2008 will forever be remembered as one of my more difficult, as it did not include standing in line for the new Harry Potter, and I knew that I never would again experience the anticipation and exhilaration of having the Borders clerk hand me a book full of new wizarding adventures. To make up for this great loss in my life, I decided to read the entire series again in order, and I picked up #1 as October began. I found myself quickly finishing the first few and decided I was going to step it up and read all seven in the month of October. I am proud to say, family and friends, mission accomplished. I know, hold your applause. I highly recommend the continual reading of this series, as each time one discovers new details and angles. I know there are many more important pieces of literature I should be devouring, and I do, but Harry Potter just cannot be topped (sorry, Twilight fans). I never would have thought I would discover a series that brought me greater joy than the Baby-Sitters Club (oh, the folly of youth!) but you never know what surprises life has in store.

Leave your book recommendations here, please. :)

Steals and deals.

2008-10-23T18:48:00.000-07:00

A base has been stolen! Go to your local Taco Bell to claim a FREE crunchy beef taco on Tuesday, October 28th, from 2pm-6pm. Thanks, Jason Bartlett! Seriously, this isn't one of those In-N-Out 60th Anniversary rumors. Now if only Target would get involved in this freebie madness (insert diabolical laughing).

For Jaime!

2008-10-22T19:39:00.000-07:00

America has been waiting with bated breath for a decade for Guns 'N Roses to release its "new" album, "Chinese Democracy," and back in May Dr Pepper decided to up the ante and encourage Axl and the boys along, promising a free Dr Pepper to all Americans if the album dropped this year. Well, folks, the wait is over! Dr Pepper is ready to give out free soda coupons to every American when the album releases on Nov. 23, 2008. If you're out to get a free Dr Pepper just follow these simple steps:

HOW TO GET YOUR FREE DR PEPPER

1. On the Nov. 23, 2008 release date, go to www.drpepper.com

2. Register your information to receive a coupon for one free 20-oz. Dr Pepper.

3. When your coupon arrives, redeem it wherever Dr Pepper is sold.

4. Drink your Dr Pepper slowly to experience all 23 flavors. Dr's orders.

Coupons will be available for 24 hours, starting at 12:01 a.m. Eastern Time on Nov. 23, 2008. Allow 4-6 weeks for coupon to arrive. Coupons will expire on Feb. 28, 2009. Limit one coupon per person. Full terms and conditions available at www.drpepper.com

Straight dorking it.

2008-10-21T20:51:00.001-07:00

Have I always been a huge nerd and this trait was lying dormant until now? Or am I just realizing it myself and everyone else has been in on the joke for years? I came across this t-shirt today and was disturbingly excited about my discovery. I also read an excerpt to my class about the "humorous" history of money from Dave Barry's Money Secrets, but I was the only one thinking it was funny, besides the students with either a) my sense of humor or b) the good sense to laugh at Miss Urmston's jokes. Learn now, kids; this trait will serve you well in life.

The second quarter is in full effect.

2008-10-20T15:59:00.000-07:00

The school year is already one quarter of the way over and I cannot believe it. If the rest of the year flies by like this, I will be a happy camper! What's really fantastic is that I, procrastinator extraordinaire, already have grades entered, even though they aren't due until tomorrow at 4pm. Go me! I feel I can now lecture my students about not putting things off until the last minute with a clear conscience. In honor of this great day, here is one of Jack Handey's "Fuzzy Memories."

Remember when the teacher would forget to give the class homework and you'd raise your hand and tell her she forgot, there would always be people who would moan and complain? Didn't you hate those people?

PISSED!

2008-10-16T15:28:00.000-07:00

I have not been that vocal about the whole Prop. 8 business for awhile now, as initially I wasn't sure about whether or not I supported it, and I don't think it is my place to spout off my opinions to students. However, the more research I have done concerning it, I now know I will be voting yes.
I received some fun news today regarding the CTA, my teachers' union: we are donating $1 million dollars to the "No on Prop. 8" campaign. I have had issues with the union for awhile now, as I think they are a waste of money ($86 a month for some crap magazine) and they keep people on the job who should have been fired a long time ago, but they stay under protection of the union.
From what I have been told by my representatives, the CTA is an agency shop, which basically means you pay dues whether or not you belong to the union, so I've always just kind of gone along with it. No more! I am right now searching the CTA website and contacting my rep. to withdraw my membership. Of the 20 billion things that need to be taken care of in the classroom, this is where my money is going? I wouldn't be in support of the $1 million donation even if it went towards the "Yes on Prop. 8" campaign. GRRRR!!! I still love my gays, but I don't see why sexual preference ever needs to be discussed in the classroom. Label me an ignorant conservative to your heart's content.

Excellent NPR article that highlights some of the ramifications if "Yes on 8" is unsuccessful. These are some of the things that really opened my eyes to why I should support its passage; people demand tolerance for their beliefs yet do not afford the same treatment for others.

For Kyle!

2008-10-15T06:50:00.001-07:00

I want...

2008-10-12T22:17:00.000-07:00

Spare time on your hands?

2008-10-06T21:45:00.000-07:00

I have a very strict game plan in my classroom and closely follow the schedule of units I put in order before the semester even starts, meaning this week my students are learning about "Business Organizations," such as corporations and sole proprietorships. However, what with all the great fun currently taking place in the real world, we are regularly NOT sticking to my lovely schedule and discussing "what went wrong?", which is great because it shows they're interested in/fearful of their non-existent future. In the midst of my continuing research to figure out how to best answer their many questions, I found a great paper written by a Professor Fred Foldvary, who I can forgive for residing in Berkeley, as he supports the free market and is not a Democrat. It's 40 pages, but what else are you going to do after you bury all of your money in the backyard? I love my Google like a fat kid loves cake...or like a Meghan loves etsy.

Awww, cheese and crackers!

2008-10-04T18:05:00.000-07:00

My brakes have been squeaking for a good few weeks now, but I found time today to get them fixed by my dad-thanks, Dad! What took about 20 minutes the last time turned into a 3 hour ordeal, but I was finally on the road...for about a mile until they locked, the tires began smoking, and I could no longer move. I frantically searched for the hazard lights button (apparently it's easy to miss when it's BIG and RED) called my parents who were headed over to Michael and Jaime's, they flipped around, and my dad helped direct me back home. (In the meantime, jerkface man in the big truck laid on his horn and threw up his hands when I directed him to go around me; it was a lovely lady who took the time to check on me and offer her phone-thanks, good Samaritan!) The brake plates were switched to the correct place (about another hour) and I was good to go-I love my faithful Honda and my devoted parents...although they suggested I find a husband stat so as to relieve themselves of such duties.

B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

2008-10-03T15:20:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to my pretend best friend! Ms. Gwen is 39 today. Yes, 39. Wrap your mind around that one and appreciate her amazingness even more.

Make money your god and it will plague you like the devil.

2008-10-02T21:16:00.001-07:00

Amidst the many discussions and debates concerning the government's $700 billion bailout, I continue to be bothered by the fact that the individuals of America are not taking responsibility for their own financial blunders. The average American has $10,000 in credit card debt, we continue to blow money on total crap (I am guilty of losing all control at Target, too!), and then all fingers point to the big guys. Yes, Fannie Mae, AIG, Wall Street, the whole bunch used predatory lending tactics and made shoddy investments and are not having to face the consequences of their mistakes; but that doesn't roll out the red carpet for the little people to blame all of their financial woes on someone else. Take responsibility for your own actions, pay your bills, and quit living beyond your means! Nobody forced anyone to buy anything. It may mean canceling the cable or limiting the Christmas budget, and if a recession occurs it will suck, but it's a natural part of the business cycle. On the bright side, most last for about 16-18 months, they help weed out waste (did the offices at all the high schools in town REALLY need the Culligan man to deliver water every week?), and we can all give each other meaningful homemade gifts for the holidays. Seriously, family, prepare yourself for puff-painted tees and wooden cars from Candice.

Almonds make everything better.

2008-10-01T15:23:00.001-07:00

As many of you know, I am currently in training for the Nike Women's half marathon in San Diego in a few weeks. I am scheduled to run 6 miles today, but something (ie my scale) tells me I should double...or triple that number. Why, one might ask? I rode my bike on over to Rite Aid last night to indulge my new healthy self in ONE scoop of sherbet. One...of sherbert, the sorriest excuse for ice cream. But what's that on the shelf marked 50% off? Why, none other than a big ol' bag of my favorite almond M&M's. In these rough economic times, who could turn down such an amazing deal?

People, there is a reason I don't have a well-stocked pantry and fridge (besides just being one of the cheapest humans alive). I have little to no self-restraint when it comes to chocolaty goodness, and as I type I am finishing off the last of the bag o' delectable deliciousness, because we all know it's better to just end it quickly and get the culprit out of sight than to eat the recommended serving size. Who's with me, ladies? Stupid Rite Aid and its Thrifty ice cream are to blame. The road to hell is paved with good intentions...I'm taking ex-lax and getting this taken care of quickly.

Called to serve.

2008-09-28T12:38:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow is a day of very mixed emotions as our Dean Jordan leaves for Utah to report to the MTC to begin his mission in Paraguay. He is the first of the Urmston grandkids to do so (no pressure!) and we are all so proud of him. I know he will have amazing experiences, and that he will touch so many lives with his numerous talents and sweet spirit. All of "Team Urmston" has been blessed by Jordan's decision to serve, and there's a whole pack of boys (and probably some girls!) who will follow in his footsteps in the years to come.

Cool Hand Luke has gone to greener pastures.

2008-09-27T09:16:00.000-07:00

Now why can't "celebrities" like Sienna Miller and Criss Angel go away and Paul Newman could stay forever? Now go buy some of his salad dressing or popcorn in memoriam; it's for the kids!

For Jake!

2008-09-24T21:30:00.000-07:00

Here you go, sir. Some are for the sports and movie lover in you, while others are just complete celeb trash. I am like a Snapple bottle cap when it comes to useless celebrity information...useless until it's time to play Trivial Pursuit, Taboo, or Catchphrase.

WARNING! These sites are not parent-approved...so judge me. (Sorry, Mom.)

Merci beaucoup to the Johnson siblings for introducing me. (See, I can speak in your stupid secret French language, too.)

Fuzzy Memories...by Jack Handey

2008-09-23T22:13:00.000-07:00

I remember when we were kids, one of our favorite games was to play "pirate." We'd dress up like pirates. Then we'd go find an adult walking down the street and we'd go up to him and pull out our butcher knives, which we called "swords," and say "We're pirates! Give us your money!" A lot of adults would pretend to be scared and give us their money. Others would suddenly run away, yelling for help. We played pirate until we were twenty or so.

I am Commando Coalfire. Jealous?

2008-09-21T10:56:00.000-07:00

We all appreciate unique baby names that set kids apart from the many Britneys (I have at least five in my class every year, all spelled differently. Interestingly, Britney Spears did not spark this but rather was a result of it.) and Aidans (thanks, "Sex and the City"!) That's why I appreciate the creative thought Sarah Palin put into the naming of her children. Ever wonder what your name would be if you has been born to Alaska's Queen B? Just follow the link, my friends...and ignore all the smugly pretentious Obama products on the site.
PS-Don't be surprised when you see me sporting a t-shirt displaying my new moniker in the medium of iron-on letters.
PPS-Will someone for the love of all that is right in the world show me how to insert a link? ARGHHHH!!! (Kyle? This means you.) Just go to the blog listed below; it is a Sept. 20th post.

politsk.blogspot.com

Happy Birthday, Poopface McGee!

2008-09-19T16:47:00.000-07:00

Three years ago today brought us our lovely little Talia. Why do I love her? Let me count the ways...
1. She is a mini-me version of her mom
2. She is a true Urmston in her voracious consumption of all chilly treats, including ice cream, snow cones, and Uncle Mason's creamsicles from the "outside fridge"
3. She likes to get in my shower and close the big glass door to pretend she is Daphne and stuck "in the computer," imitating an episode of Scooby Doo
4. Rap songs get her to really shake it like a Polaroid picture
5. She is super polite, even telling her hand "thank you for washing me!" during bathtime
6. She thinks her vitamins are a special treat, as Nicole tells her they are candy
7. All it takes is a stale ol' marshmallow to make her happy
8. She called her brother Tristan "Kristen" for the first month
Etc. I am starting to feel like one of those people who force you to look at vacation pictures when you couldn't care less, so I'll stop the gushing now. Happy birthday, baby girl!

Dumb and Dumber

2008-09-17T22:13:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago Mason had his first varsity footbal game against Clovis West. They were up 19 to 7 at the half and we were all thrilled. When the team got back from halftime, however, he was on the sidelines, talking to everyone (we don't talk if not required) and dancing around. Hmmm...Dad went down to investigate but Mason couldn't really tell him anything. Why, you ask? He had a concussion. Apparently his teammates had a good time with him throughout the remainder of the game, as he forgot everything a minute after the conversation. More of the incident was documented for hours afterwards at home, with Jordan videotaping, and each time Mason was told Liberty ended up losing (after he got out-he is awesome!) he had the EXACT same reaction: make a noise, sigh heavily, and lean back...this continued for a couple hours, as well as his reading the same text messages aloud repeatedly. You definitely know something is up when he's sharing info. from his phone, as I've had my arm nearly ripped from its socket a few times for just glancing at the stupid thing. Mason was taken to the emergency room, where they confirmed what we already knew. The fun continued the next day, as he asked me the same questions he had posed to everyone else, until he finally fell asleep (thank goodness). He is till bummed that he'll never remember his first varsity game, but we will never forget it! Now Jordan's turn-wisdom teeth removed Tuesday plus the good drugs Wednesday night equals crazy druggie falling asleep in his mashed potatoes and taking 5 hours to apply chapstick. As we are not the drug-indulging family, these two incidents are the closest I'll ever get to seeing my brothers in an inebriated state...which is a-ok. Just say no, kids, just say no.

Tillykke med Fødselsdagen

2008-09-01T14:57:00.000-07:00

That's "happy birthday" in Danish, which is what we are. I know, I'm crafty. So I tried to scan a picture of my mom from her high school days, but I am a computer idiot and couldn't figure it out. Then (it gets better) I tried to take a picture of a picture, but that wasn't happening. I know, I am actually allowed to teach other people's children- ridiculous. The point of all this is to wish her a joyous birthday! She is such a fun mom and I love that she makes me vinyl stickers, vainly tries to teach me to cook/sew, raised me NOT in Utah, instilled in me a love of learning and reading, taught me how to be financially savvy, gossips with me, and encourages me to find true love. And happy anniversary...a few days late.

The first week.

2008-08-24T18:23:00.000-07:00

I have officially transitioned from Liberty to Frontier with no real scars and, even better, the first week of school has come to an end-YAY! Only about 40 more weeks to go. If kids think they have a countdown until summer vacation, they've got nothing on the teachers. Everything already seems monumentally easier this year-perhaps it's because I have only only prep (CP economics-I pick up honors next semester) as opposed to the five I had at Liberty (five different levels and subjects=five different lesson plans). Big thumbs down to that. A few of my classes are ridiculously large (43 students, Governor Schwarzenegger? That's awesome!) but the kids are great; similar to Liberty's clientel (i.e. rich and white) but not as many of the spoiled snobs with the ipods, $200 jeans, and fancy cell phones that can mow your lawn. Teaching the exact same subject and level from the first to the last bell can make me feel a bit crazy at times ("did I already say that?" has become a common phrase) but it makes preparation much easier. It also means that by 7th period it is very easy for the kids to get me off track-they enjoy it.

This is a lie.

2008-08-22T21:11:00.000-07:00

I'm in love...

2008-08-17T16:43:00.000-07:00

Kiss it, France.

2008-08-10T23:52:00.001-07:00

Amazing. If you did not see the men's finals in the 400 relay, find it on youtube, tivo, whatever. Amazing.

One down...

2008-08-09T21:43:00.000-07:00

It's fun to live vicariously through Olympic competitors and to pretend that I'm involved in their quest for gold when really I'm just trying to run a few miles everyday in preparation for a half marathon. I had my sights set on the St. George marathon with Peter and Nathan but did not get it. In hindsight, that's the best thing that could've happened, although I'm sure my siblings would have enjoyed fighting over my sweet ride. In conclusion, U-S-A, U-S-A, U-S-A!

For Mason!

2008-08-09T00:08:00.000-07:00

We are neither the first nor the last to make these jokes, but it never gets old...and Mom hates it.

Tyra Banks is an idiot.

2008-08-05T19:17:00.000-07:00

"Michelle Obama, you're one hot mama," Tyra Banks says in the new issue of Harper's Bazaar.
And, as for Barack's wife, Michelle, Banks says, "With Barack Obama, his becoming president is them becoming president because Michelle was there from the beginning. Without Michelle, he wouldn’t be there.”
What does Tyra want from the possible First Lady?
“Oh, I want her to not take herself too seriously," she says. "She’d need to know how to take a fierce picture, but at the same time be able to eat fried chicken, have grease on her fingers, and be okay with getting photographed like that, too. I’d want her to feel like every child in America is hers – to have a true connection.”

Hmmm...

Why do we need to send our kids on fried chicken picnics with our leaders? That is not their job. I know I am now giving Obama coverage, but what is with every flippin' magazine featuring him or his family in some stupid fluff article? How is knowing that his wife enjoys shopping at Target (she's just like me! I am SO voting for Obama!) or where they went for their anniversary translate into "leader of the free world"? We'll no longer be able to shop at Target if he wins and our paychecks go to support deadbeats who buy cell phones and crack when they should get some health insurance for their kids or pay the electric bill.

This rant was brought to you by Candice for McCain (even though his wife freaks me out).

Um, no.

2008-08-05T18:49:00.000-07:00

I went to my first yoga class yesterday and, while it was challenging, peaceful, and I am feeling sore in different muscles, it's not really my thing. I prefer more energetic working out, like kickboxing or trying to not die on the elliptical while the front desk guy at the gym changes the TV channel from Law and Order to SportsCenter-NOOOOO!!!. The class was a mixture of pale women who recycle and hang out in coffeeshops, and women with nasty acrylic nails and big fake boobs. You know, all that makes Bakersfield the great place it is. The girl leading the class started off the session massaging some mint lotion into our shoulders, though, and she has inspired me to do one thing: find a doctor on my insurance plan that does massages. So all things considered, a good hour and a half. It's just hard not to laugh sometimes when people take stuff like that (refer to above picture) so seriously.

1800 mg of ibuprofen in the last 24 hours.

2008-08-03T20:35:00.000-07:00

Jordan, Mason, Dave Lewis, Mac (Jordan's swim buddy) and I decided to be active yesterday and spent 5 hours enjoying the rock wall at Action Sports. Clayton Davis works there and got us all harnessed up and ready for a good time. It was my first time and I loved it-my cheap self is even thinking about investing in an annual pass. In the middle of the rock wall area is a boulder with different "problems" marked, and I did the beginner level fairly quickly. And then I met my nemesis: level V0 with the blue tape. The boys all did it quickly and each of them spent time coaching me through, not understanding why I could not get to the top-I blame my short stature. Right before we were about to leave, I finally made it halfway up, at which point Mason coached me to the top. YEA! I think they should have a man selling "I made it to the top" shirts up there, just as at Yosemite. (Keep in mind the boulder is about 10 feet high.) Seriously, though, it gave me quite a feeling of accomplishment, and I was happy to not have nightmares of blue tape taunting me. We left for 2 hours while they had a rock wall birthday party, trying to relax and come to grips with the fact that we could already feel the soreness in our bodies-the workout is fantastic/kill me now. We continued until the place closed and I conquered a few more bigger climbs (big for me). I am excited to go back and highly recommend it to anyone in town.

Funniest. Show. Ever.

2008-08-02T14:09:00.001-07:00

If you have never had the opportunity to experience the magic that is "Arrested Development," I strongly encourage you to buy/borrow/rent a season or two immediately (currently on sale at Target). It is a travesty that crap shows like (insert your own crap show here) continue to air, and yet this was cancelled by Fox after only three seasons. Seriously, you will not regret this decision. I'm not telling you anymore until you get rid of the Seaward.

For Shnee!

2008-07-28T22:32:00.000-07:00

I don't cook that much/Venting

2008-07-28T18:15:00.000-07:00

We had a service project/barbecue for the Wednesday night joint activity last week, and all the gals and ladies were supposed to bring chips or cookies. I had Tanner and Porter with me at the store and Tanner requested Oreos-no problem. I don't cook/bake too often and it was freakin' hot. Anyways, following the yard work extravaganza, we headed over to the barbecue/pool party and the other YW leaders and I were arranging everything in the kitchen. One of the other women saw the Oreos and then looked at me, saying, "Of course; that's such a Candice thing to bring." Seriously? A few months back we had a dinner at my house and some of the women would not shut up about the fact that I only had two dishtowels and limited cooking utensils. How many dishtowels does one person need? I don't go to their houses and comment on their kids' toys being everywhere, or ask personal questions about their relationships. Why do they feel the need/right to do so with me?

Europe pictures...finally!

2008-07-24T19:26:00.000-07:00

Meteora, Greece (what Linkin Park named its album after)-people actually climb these. There are crevices where, every year, climbers gather scarves from people in the surrounding villages and string them up.
The Colosseum-our guide was amazing and described for us all of the sights, smells and sounds one would experience. I just kept on thinking of Russell Crowe's awesomeness in "Gladiator"-"Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here?"
Monasteries in Meteora. It is CRAZY to think these were built, brick by brick, centuries ago. It is also crazy to think that the priests and nuns pray for 8 hours EVERYDAY...I bought some pretty sweet handmade candles from the convent-thanks, ladies!
A bit of our group at the location of the Battle of Thermopylae, in front of the statue of Leonidas, King of Sparta. (Insert your own quote from "300" here-I never saw the movie, though it looked pretty cool.)
A very important pillar (I don't know why it's important, I can't read ancient Greek and it was too hot to listen to the guide and baby-sit) in Delphi, the "center of the world." Apparently Zeus sent out two eagles to circumnavigate the globe and this is where they crossed. How is this possible, if Mt. Olympus is also in Greece? I think something is a bit shady in the world of mythology. Right, that's why it's MYTHology...
At the Acropolis with Elliott and Rane.

2008-07-24T18:06:00.000-07:00

Gorgeous sunset in Florence, my favorite Italian city.
Assissi, on the steps of the Church of Mary and Minerva. (As we all know from "The Da Vinci Code," when Christianity was officially adopted, many pagan churches and holidays were kept and simply renamed.)
The American media even has control in Italy!
A lovely moment of relaxation at the beach.
View from my room in Sorrento, Italy. Jealous? (No AC and the water didn't work, so calm your envy.)

What's in a name?

2008-07-21T18:14:00.000-07:00

For those in the know, Nicole had her baby boy last Wednesday at 3am-YEA! As I was at Girls' Camp, I found out when they announced it at Friday's campfire to the whole crowd (Dixon Kumer had told my parents just a few minutes before). After much discussion, they finally christened him with the name of...Daniel Skeet Tristan Panero. Hmmm...For all who are interested, go to urbandictionary.com to find out the colloquial meaning of the second name (if I were computer savvy I would give you the link, but life isn't that good, my friends). Good luck in life, cute new nephew of mine. (And yes, I know that is Dave Chappelle as Lil' Jon-I could not live with myself if I ever posted an actual picture of the man who gave us Crunk Juice.)

Girls' Camp, Shmirls' Shmamp

2008-07-20T19:15:00.000-07:00

I and the other Rosedale Ward leader are crap and failed to bring a camera, hence the file photo-Google never lets me down. Fun fact: the average person uses Google 40.7 times a month. Obviously I am above average, as I use it about 400.7 times a month when school is in session. But I digress...I was one of only two leaders in camp, and 7 of our 9 girls were on the 4th year hike for most of the week, making ward campfires a tad quiet. The ward next to us stayed up until the wee hours most nights, though, so I still managed to be annoyed and engage in telling some girls to can it, as it was past midnight, to which some 12 year old with a death wish replied she could "sing if [she] wants to!" Seriously? Rather than give her the beatdown she deserved, I just zippped up my tent, figuring black eyes don't really invite the spirit. Overall, though, it was a great week, and Big Meadow is as amazing as ever. I got a chance to get to know my girls better and to hang out with Jamie Bingham (nee' Bedke), whose mom supplied me with peppermint oil to relieve my huge mosquito bites. Gold star to my mama who served as camp director and did an amazing job. I'm sure she'll start planning next year's camp as soon as she gets back from Hawaii- I'll help as long as she brings back a coconut monkey for me!

"That lady's scary!"

2008-07-13T13:12:00.000-07:00

The frightening picture above is a sticker I've had on my car since I purchased it almost 9 years ago. (Go Honda! Maybe if American companies made better, more fuel-efficient cars, they wouldn't be shutting down car plants around the country. Sorry, Detroit.) Yesterday Jacob took my door apart to fix a stuck window (thanks, Jacob!) and Talia, whilst watching him work, noticed the sticker and proclaimed it a "scary lady." Mom jumped on the chance to convince me to remove it, as my family and students have always looked at it and wondered, but even though my darling Talia asked me to remove it, I just can't. It probably sounds weird, but it's like a remnant of my 18 year old self that I just can't let go. Thus, the scary lady stays until I run my good ol' Civic into the ground.

Checklists suck.

2008-07-12T20:06:00.000-07:00

So we left Greece at 4am yesterday, landed in LA at 10:30pm, and arrived in Bakersfield at 2am. Taking into account time zones, I was up for a total of 28 hours; I HATE that I am a light sleeper and can't snooze on planes. (PS-"The Spiderwick Chronicles" is a hot mess of a movie and should not be shown on land, sea, or air.) The jet lag hit me this afternoon, but I had to post this picture, as it pretty much sums up all that was NOT fun on my European rendevouz. I was required to take roll of everyone whenever we arrived at another really significant pile of rocks, a random church, or when someone had to stop to buy another crappy souvenir that most likely broke in their suitcase. I'll put up more pictures and info. in a couple days when I have had some sleep and am not so bitter...but let's be honest, sleep won't rid me of cynicism.

Ciao Bella!

2008-06-26T22:24:00.000-07:00

I am off for 15 days of fun (and chaperoning) in Italy and Greece. Excellent time to travel, as the dollar is worth...NOTHING! I have prepared, however, and packed trail mix and other light snacks for nourishment; there is clothes and art shopping to be done! The last time I went to Europe (ugh-I sound atrociously spoiled-I'm not!) was with a couple of my girlfriends, and we had a blast. I'll be taking 24 high schoolers this trip, which should make the experience a tad different. Love you all!

PS-when you google "greek", the first image that pops up is of that trashy show on ABC Family. Since when is crap about sororities and fraternities for the whole family? Oh, sorry...I didn't realize their target audience was the Lohans.)

If they were red she would look just like her mama, circa 1988.

2008-06-23T14:36:00.000-07:00